We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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