woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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