Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
