i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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