I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
