if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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