bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
