i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
