Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
