the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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