I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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