I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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