My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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