jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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