i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
