I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
There are leaves in my underwear?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
