cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
