i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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