I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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