So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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