: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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