respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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