a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
