Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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