I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
