Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
