Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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