There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
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Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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