all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
