I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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