fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
