We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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