my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
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If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
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I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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