You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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