he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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