I love watching others lives come down to our level.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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