I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
