it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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