I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
