what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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