I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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