a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
