all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Slut skills are useful in every country.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
