oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
