i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
smell my finger.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
