i think my tv is drunk
I just cut my nipple shaving
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
