I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
