i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
