I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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