jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
