I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
