allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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