Swine flu. Run for my life!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
