oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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