Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
