you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
