My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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