i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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