i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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