he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
