By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
