When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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