sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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