somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
